Why do I feel so bad about being me?

feeling sad

Why do I feel so bad about being me?

Are feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred limiting your life? Do you hide your real self, or sabotage situations and opportunities because you don’t feel you deserve to be happy? If this sounds familiar, then read on…

‘To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I agree with Ralph. There is so much going on to make you feel bad about yourself. On social media channels, strangers and so-called online friends can publicly criticise you for what you say and how you look.

Add to that a dysfunctional, or chaotic childhood, or a bad relationship where there were unspoken tensions, judgements and a nagging feeling you were just not good enough.

And finally, throw into the mix a pandemic where you are wrestling with untold worries and it’s no wonder that your confidence has taken a hit and you feel flawed, empty, unloved, and in some cases worthless.

Know your enemy

Essentially, you are your own worst enemy. When your thoughts become negative, you may find yourself repeating the mistakes of your past and constantly question your true value. You might choose another controlling or volatile relationship, mistake sex for love, make bad choices and accept the bare minimum from others, because your self-esteem is at rock bottom.

If saying ‘I hate myself’ has becomes a daily ritual, you need to know there is a way you can push past your critical inner voice and make significant changes, enabling you to live a more fulfilling life.

Finding the real you

Feeling bad about being you has not simply happened overnight. It’s an accrual of negative messages that you’ve gathered and harvested from early childhood onwards. And let’s face it, if you hear something often enough, you can end up believing it. Go back to its origins and explore ‘what’ those messages were and ‘how’ they were delivered. Having an understanding of their origins can really help.

Have a think and reflect on each of the following 4 questions and write down your answers on a piece of paper or in a notebook:

  1. What are your qualities and negative traits?
  2. What messages did you receive as a child?
  3. How true were they then?
  4. How do you continue to believe in them now?

Learning to let go

Read out loud what you’ve written for each of the questions. What’s true or relevant now and what have you been carrying that belongs to someone else? The messages other people have given you are based on their own insecurities, also known as ‘projections’.

Remember, we all carry many levels of defences and compensations to hide our true self. This is because we fear the real self is flawed and if we were to look deep enough, we’d be horrified at what we might find.

I see this all the time; I experienced it myself and see it in every client I’ve worked with – it’s part of being human. What we don’t realise is that the core self is someone with many qualities, a light that shines brightly and to which other people would naturally be drawn to – so why hide it?

Your weekly challenge

My challenge to you is simple – what could you do today towards being kinder and more loving to yourself? Pick one thing to work on for a week and notice what changes.

Good luck, you will find that once you start to make some small tweaks, positive things start to happen.

If you’ve been affected by what you’ve read and would like help, contact Carla Devereux on 0121 745 9044 to book an appointment.

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Psychotherapy delves deep into the root causes of your symptoms.  Psychotherapy in Solihull, encompasses a multitude of approaches, each offering a wide range of tools that help different people.