This book explores the root causes of mistrust and the journey we take when we are betrayed or hurt by another. It explains why we don’t see the world clearly when we feel deceived and how we fall into a negative spiral of thoughts and feelings that leave us mistrustful and resentful. This often leads to withdrawal into a cave where we act like a wounded animal.
Betrayal triggers all of our primal fears – fear of rejection, abandonment, worthlessness, and hopelessness that are rooted in our early childhood relationships. It can leave us feeling as though our world is falling apart and our life is in pieces. In an attempt to cope we create layers of defence, which often manifest through unhelpful behaviours to avoid the pain of rejection. These strategies come from our wounded inner child and a deep unspoken need to be looked after and to feel better about ourselves, ie. ‘I want you to take care of me’ and ‘I want you to make me feel okay about myself’.
The book describes how we generate our own betrayals and explores what we normally consider trust as actually false, a childlike fantasy. This fantasy trust is based on our life experiences and our expectations of how the world should be. This creates a trap that leads to further pain and disappointment. Through these life experiences we can learn to develop a real sense of trust, which comes from within and is no longer dependent on others.
This book takes us on a journey of recovery from the shattering effects of betrayal. It helps us develop a deeper level of self-trust that empowers us to be authentic and face reality as an adult capable of functioning in the world. It helps us to face our fears, feel our anger and sadness, and not run away. It describes methods and processes for us to create a healthy boundary structure, recover our integrity and let go of the dysfunctional need for others to change.
The book is clearly written and encourages a serious look at our own actions and behaviours. The personal insights that can be gained from this book can be life changing in an empowering and life affirming way.